Step One –Willingness

REQUIREMENT FOR RECOVERY

The only requirement to join the Church of Meth is a desire to stop using illegal street meth.  This willingness is the basis for your recovery from methamphetamine addiction.  A desire to stop fully expresses itself with 3 basic virtues: love, honesty, and open-mindedness.

LOVE

Being willing to love means you are willing to love yourself first.  You are better than this monster you have become.  You do not have a moral deficiency.  You have a disease.  You are allergic to mood-altering substances.  This allergy expresses itself as meth addiction.  While you did not choose addiction and are not responsible for it, you ARE responsible for your recovery.  A desire to stop using meth isn’t complete without first loving yourself enough to want to free yourself — to recover.

If someone is forcing you to read this and you’re not sure you want to stop using, just consider a few things.  Do you have any control over how much you use?  Can you stop using at will?  Can you stop for good?  Consider the negatives of your use.  It costs a lot of money.  It can land you in jail if you haven’t already been.  It leads to unhealthy sleep patterns and digestive woes (your burps will eventually smell like farts every time you try to go more than a day without using).  Some people report that it burns when they pee.  Meth turns you into someone you don’t want to be.  You might become manipulative, conniving, and selfish.  You will develop abusive or co-dependent relationships.  Basically, your life will revolve around obtaining more and more of the drug.

You’re better than that!  So if you’re just reading this to make someone else happy well at least there is still love in you.  Besides loving yourself, you need to be willing to love the people who truly love you: the people who want you stop using.

Ultimately, you need to be willing to love a Higher Power.  The Highest Power in the Church of Meth is Yah, the Almighty, our Father in Outer Space.  Some call Him God.  Some call Him Allah.  Some even call Him a Her: Heavenly Mother.  For Christians who are members of the Church of Meth, He is the God of Israel, Yah, or Hashem (the Name).  He is colloquially called God the Father.  Yah has revealed to his prophet, yours truly, that it is a sin to use illegal street meth.  Smoking, snorting, or injecting methamphetamine is against His will.

HONESTY

Being willing to be honest means that you will appraise your life accurately with no reservations.  The truth will set you free.  You will see how your life will be better without the drug.  But at this point you can’t live with or without it.  Honesty is the key to jumping this hurdle from using to not using.  No one says to themselves when they’re a kid that they want to grow up to be a meth addict.  Don’t justify or rationalize your use.  Don’t get defensive when people point out your character defects — especially if they are the result of your use.  Be honest.

OPEN-MINDEDNESS

Being willing to be open-minded means you’re not going to shut out the possibility of abstinence.  Again, you are not responsible for your addictive personality which was simply the hand you were dealt.  But you are responsible for your recovery.  Addiction gnaws away at your deciding power until you find yourself using against your will.  Your natural tendencies, your allergy, is forcing you to use.  It can be as simple as a force of habit or as complicated as not being able to cope with the come down.  But at least be open-minded enough to know that detox is possible.

PITFALLS

There are 3 things that work against your recovery that will lead to your destruction if you let them.  They are indifference, intolerance/phobia, and hostility towards spiritual principles.

INDIFFERENCE

An attitude of moral relativity is not helpful here.  You must know that it is absolutely a sin to use illegal street meth.  There are not varying moral degrees of dirty meth use.  Using dirty meth is not the will of God.  Not only is it against the law of the land which every Christian swears to uphold, but it is filthy drugs cut with nasty chemicals that are downright harmful to your health.  Yah our Father in Outer Space cares about your temporal well being.

INTOLERANCE/PHOBIA

Are you scared of God?  Rid yourself of this intolerance!  You must be willing to find things in common with your Christian, Muslim, and Jewish brothers and to work together with fellow members of the Church of Meth for your own recovery.

HOSTILITY

Do not slander other religions.  Believe in Yah the Father.  Believe in the Church of Meth.  Believe in the prophet.  Thinking you know better than God’s fountains of revelation puts you in enmity between you and Him.

STEP ONE

Here is what you need to affirm to complete step one.  Recite this statement earnestly:

I ADMIT THAT I AM POWERLESS OVER ILLEGAL STREET METH AND MY LIFE HAS BECOME UNMANAGEABLE.

ADMISSION

To make this admission you must be truthful in your self-appraisal.  There is no way you way are using illegal street meth and in full compliance with the will of God.  The prophet has spoken here.  This is impossible.

POWERLESSNESS

To make this admission you must be humble and full of the spirit of self-denial.

ILLEGAL STREET METH

To make this admission you must see illegal street meth for what it is: criminal, low-grade, dirty, and simply a hardcore drug.  It is one of the big bad boys of illegal drugs.  There is no way you can be using such without sinning.  You are deluded to think otherwise.

LIFE

Your collective experiences, your series of situations that you endure are measured by your productivity, functionality, and relationships.  Relationships with family, friends, strangers, and ultimately Yah the Father.  Realizing your current quality of life here is very important.

UNMANAGEABLE

To make this admission you must consider your financial situation, your career, your role in society, your relationships, your standing with the Church, and your relationship with God the Father.  All illegal street meth users will find that there life is found wanting as far as manageability is concerned.

SURRENDER

Finally, to complete step one, you simply need to surrender.  You don’t need to fight anymore.  You don’t need to convince anyone that your use is responsible and safe.  You don’t need to rationalize or justify your use.  You simply need to surrender to God and his prophet through the Church of Meth and you’ll be clean in no time.

The Church of Meth’s 12-Step Program

Are you struggling with meth addiction?  The Church of Meth teaches that it is a sin to smoke, snort, or inject methamphetamine.  God has revealed to the prophet, yours truly, that using illegal street meth is not His will for his children.  Such expression of meth use is an immoral release of an ugly, sinful addiction — a condition that will pit you against God and lower your moral standing within the Church.  How can one break free?

God’s cure for meth addiction is a spiritual program expounded upon by various Anonymous fellowships.  Most of you are familiar with this 12-step program.  It was invented by Alcoholics Anonymous — the grandfather of all the 12-step programs.  A couple of alcoholics learned that one alcoholic working with at least one another alcoholic was unparalleled if not crucial as a recovery tactic.  Even if you are not an alcoholic, one can more fully master 12-step knowledge by being more finely in tune with this original spiritual program of recovery from addiction.  AA is both a history lesson as well as a grounding in 12-step culture.  All the basics are covered in this classic program and it offers the most detailed source of information to assist the struggling addict.

Narcotics Anonymous is the father program from which all drug recovery programs are based upon.  From this river flow all the fountains of freedom from substance addiction.  There is a special focus in NA on illegal drugs, or substances whose mind-altering effects and levels of addiction are greater than those of legal or gateway drugs such as alcohol and marijuana or addictions with less social stigma such as gambling or sexual addiction.

Crystal Meth Anonymous is the program most of us tweakers will identify with.  It treats the addiction specific to our personal struggles.  Meth is our drug of choice, and CMA addresses hurdles unique to a methamphetamine addict.  You can visit their website at http://crystalmeth.org and browse for meetings in your area.  You can also order their book titled Crystal Clear: Stories of Hope.  Along with the Big Book made famous by AA titled Alcoholics Anonymous and NA’s Basic Text, Crystal Clear is a valuable source of information for recovery from meth addiction.

IS THE CHURCH OF METH AFFILIATED WITH CRYSTAL METH ANONYMOUS, NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS, OR ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS?

No!  While we do teach the 12-step program to sway meth users off of harmful street meth, we don’t follow its 12 guiding principles.  One of them is to not get involved in controversial issues.  Church of Meth members, on the other hand, are not afraid of controversy and are encouraged to get political.  God has revealed to the prophet that to limit the popularity of the church and to fully distinguish ourselves separate from non-controversial CMA, NA, and AA, we must favor legalizing all forms of marriage — even homosexual and polygamous ones — including marriages between adults and consenting children who have their parents’ consent.

The Church of Meth adopts Christian values as well as modernist morals.  We frown upon voting excessively pro-abortion and would never counsel a woman to have an abortion no matter what the circumstance.  However, we are against taking away a woman’s right over her own body by voting excessively pro-life.  Every woman should have the freedom to make the decision between life and abortion for herself without intrusion from the government or a male-dominated society.  We support homosexual marriage — especially when homosexual couples are open to adopting children otherwise at risk of being aborted.  Of course, we believe in legalizing Desoxyn for spiritual purposes.  That is why we are called the Church of Meth.  But we are lukewarm towards the legalization of all other drugs — even marijuana and non-Desoxyn methamphetamine.  If alcohol weren’t so socially acceptable, we might even be on the Prohibition side back in the days of Prohibition.  But since it is in our interest to legalize Desoxyn, we try to vote Libertarian whenever possible — even if it means legalizing all the drugs.

Here’s another scare tactic.  And we’re dead serious about this one too.  Ethical sex is favorable if you are a true believing Church of Meth member because we believe sex is love.  Sexual favors, if obtained by consent, prove you have God’s love inside of you and outside of you.  However, we are not swingers.  And we are actually against unethical sex.  The goal of sex is ultimately marriage.  Marriage is the greatest blessing God can bestow upon a sexually active couple or group.  (The greatest blessing God can bestow on an individual is a legal prescription for Desoxyn for spiritual purposes.)

One more disclaimer.  Anyone who uses methamphetamine, including Desoxyn, will eventually pray to Satan in the course of their lifelong spiritual career.  There is no way around this.  If you have a problem with this, don’t use meth.  I, the prophet, have prayed to Satan and have repented of this sin.  But Satan has a deep interest in the meth-using population, and he can be very conniving in getting you to worship him.  It was in my repentance that I learned that I was a prophet with a special message from God.  Despite Satan’s plans to lead meth users into the gulf of misery, God’s will is freedom from meth and freedom OF meth.  That means beating meth addiction yet having the legal right to use Desoxyn for spiritual purposes.

So why are we trying to scare away people from the Church?  It is the will of God.  God has revealed that it is both against His will and not socially feasible for the entire human population to use meth.  Granted there are people who will never try the drug, we can’t even see a spike in its usage despite our attempts to legalize Desoxyn.  This is simply the will of God as revealed to the prophet, yours truly.  Furthermore, we believe in all this crazy stuff we’re talking about.  Even the pedophilia, Libertarianism, and sexual favors.  As for Satanism, meth and Satan go together like chicken and waffles.  But you can always repent.  You have been warned.

BACK TO THE 12-STEP PROGRAM

Yes, we believe in legalizing Desoxyn for religious purposes.  But NO we do not condone smoking, snorting, or injecting illegal street meth!!  God has a cure for meth addiction and it is the 12-step program as initially grandfathered by Alcoholics Anonymous and adapted for druggies by Narcotics Anonymous.  Crystal Meth Anonymous is a great program if you just want to stop using illegal street meth.  But if you want to support God and His will concerning Desoxyn then the Church of Meth’s 12-step program is for you.  God has a plan for methamphetamine and anyone who wants to use it His way.  I envision our program will be slightly more effective than other Anonymous programs because of God’s great plan which is to ultimately legalize pharmaceutical-grade methamphetamine pills for anyone who wants to enhance their life and their spirituality with Desoxyn.  It is more promising to give up illegal street meth when God is telling us that one day we will get to use safely and legally.

I will now begin a series of posts as I work our 12-step program.  One post for each step.  I, the prophet, have been experimenting with illegal street meth as God has revealed to me that I need to be familiar with all the stages of meth addiction so that I can treat and pastor all of God’s children in their varying degrees of meth use.  In familiarizing myself, I have developed a bit of a bad habit and am trying to kick illegal street meth for good now.

I started using in my early 20s for about a couple years.  Then I went seven years dry.  Eventually got back in the game.  Now I’m ready to stay clean for the rest of my life in spiritual pursuit of legal Desoxyn.  As soon as I can clean myself up I will go through the Church of Meth’s only initiation ceremony which is a 40-day abstinence from eating (a water-only fast).  This is the will of God.

Amen, my tweaker brothers and sisters.