The difference between a prophet and a priest

After you smoke meth, the Mormons will test you to see if you are a prophet or a priest.  This has nothing to do with the actual definitions of a prophet and a priest.  These are just things they call people after they smoke meth.

A prophet is someone who is very smart.  They torture you more if you are a prophet.  Read my blog entry titled ‘Mormon Torture’ for more information on how they torture you.

If you are smart, the only way to not be a prophet is to agree to a lobotomy for religious purposes.  Don’t smoke meth if you know you’re smart unless you want to be tortured royally for being a prophet.

Priests are not that smart and are very obedient.  When first approached by psychic Mormons they act obedient and don’t pretend to know everything.  If you are a priest you will be tortured less and the Mormons will allow you to be more psychic.  You might even get to smoke more meth.

Furthermore, there are businessmen.  They are somewhere in between a prophet and priest.  But I hear it’s more difficult to be a businessman.  Most people are either priests or prophets.

Furthermore, there are different types of prophets.  If when you smoke meth and discover that everyone is psychic you just want to talk to them about religion, the Mormons will refer to you as a prophet-of-God.  Supposedly, people who were prophets-of-God in previous times were the people like Moses and Buddha.  If you talk a lot about sex when you smoke meth they will call you a prophet-of-love.  They get tortured a little less than the other prophets.  If you try to organize people or speak about changing society when you smoke meth you will be a prophet-of-destruction.  They get tortured more than prophets-of-love.  But prophets-of-God get tortured the most.  The Mormons want to make it very clear that they want only the Mormon prophet to speak about religion to other psychics.

Priests get tortured the least.  They get to be the most psychic.  If you can try to be a priest.  Just obey all the psychic Mormons, don’t argue, and DON’T talk about religion!  If you hear a religious term don’t assume they’re talking about religion.  Ask what everything means even if you think you know.  If you’re too smart they’ll tell you to get a lobotomy.  But if you agree they might only make you smoke some of the chemical that’s in your meth.  That slight bit of impairment to your brain might be all they need to be able to call you a priest!

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